Zombie-ghosts and Hysterical Crying Death Scenes
by I'm Not Wearing Any Pants
Summary: Any way to extend the repetitive scenario of ridiculous tragedy is a good way.


I own no Ben 10 characters. Take a shot for every story like this! No, wait, don't do that. You'll be dead of liver poisoning within the span of 15 minutes. I combined a few dozen stories into one singular parody. Because...I could actually do that without losing anything pertinent to the plot, the stories are so repetitive.

We join our burly anti-hero, D'Void sobbing hysterically over his dead Mary Sue baby-thing. "Expositionary dialogue explaining why this has come to be, instead of showing it! Writing is hard," he sobbed. He curled up into a sad, sad, sad, fetal positioned ball. Then he thought about babies, who show up in the fetal position, that's why it's called the fetal position, and sobbed harder.

The rebel forces showed up, as if on cue.

"Leave me alone. Can't you see I'm suffering emotionally?" D'Void sobbed. His mascara had run down his cheeks.

Manny kicked him into the open grave of his precious Mary Sue baby-thing. "Tough shit," Manny stated.

"Wait, aren't you going to help me back out of here?" D'Void called up. He gasped when they began to shovel dirt onto his prone form.

Then D'Void was a zombie-ghost. His baby Mary Sue shrieked and sobbed hysterically. It wasn't dead, unfortunately. No, wait. He wasn't dead either.

He sobbed until they pulled him back out, because they were heroes, and heroes always do dumb things, like save the villains. Even though they shouldn't.

"I'll be with you forever and ever, and ever, my precious ugly monster baby, who contributes overall nothing to the plot, and only serves to be fucking annoying as hell to everyone but the creator!" D'Void sobbed, as he embraced his baby-thing, tightly as possible, while it also sobbed hysterically, and made out with his giant chin.

"You are an unfit parent, D'Void," Helen said to him sternly. "You must give up your baby-thing-daughter-creature Pity!Sue thing, to me, for I am a much better motherly figure. I have ovaries."

D'Void sobbed hysterically due to his lack of ovaries. He reluctantly handed over possession of his baby-Sue. It sobbed hysterically in Helen's arms. D'Void became so sad, his heart broke. And by broke, I mean he suffered a coronary embolism, and died. The baby-thing sobbed more hysterically. Helen went and placed it in its specially designed, ridonkulous, sandalwood hand carved, ornamental baby crib. D'Void suddenly appeared as a ghost-vampire. He grinned. He leaned down and bit the baby's neck area. He coughed a few times at the stench and putrid wetness.

"Now my baby will join me, eternally! Forever!" he declared.

The baby-thing died, then came back to life as a zombie-ghost-vampire.

They both beat the shit out of Helen. Helen began to sob hysterically.

Four hours later, D'Void and his baby-thing came back to life through unknown means.

"Hey, we're alive again," D'Void spoke aloud, with slight confusion. He shrugged. "Oh well. We're probably going to die in a few minutes away, so the excitement is short lived."

The baby-thing sob-puked upon his boots. He picked it up and embraced it tightly, like a Japanese love doll. If you don't know what those are, consider yourself lucky.

They began to take a casual stroll through the desolate Null Void, to enjoy the scenery. The rocks and more floating rocks, and caverns, and more caverns, and crevices, and monster-alien-filled chasms, and endless stretches of barren, unfertile landscape, and smoking mountains, and...yeah.

"This is nice," D'Void said, seconds before somebody punched him in the head, and he didn't see it coming, and it hurt him, instead of hurting whoever's fist instead. "Fuck!" he exclaimed. He went down.

He woke up, some odd amount of time later, tied to a chair.

"Oh shit, a torture scenario!" D'Void gasped. "Mr. Argost told me about these things."

Some unnamed rebels were kicking his ugly baby Sue.

"STOP BEING MEAN TO MY BABY!" D'Void screamed while sobbing hysterically.

"This thing sucks!" one of them yelled back.

"Let's eat it," another one declared. "Maybe if we consume the beast, we can obtain its wholly evil, Godlike powers!"

D'Void was slapped upside the head. He broke out of his delusional state, caused by severe kormite withdrawl. "Stop hurting my babby!" he wailed. He looked around. His body was covered in sweat. "Oh, God, what happened?"

Pierce stared at him, coldly. "Kormite withdrawal. You're coming down, hard, D'Void. Or whatever your name is."

"It's Doctor...Animo!" Doctor Animo spat. He vomited. "Ow. Everything hurts. Badly! Owie!"

"It's going to hurt, for a long time, probably," Pierce informed him. "It's amazing you're even alive. No human has toked kormite before, much less for such a long period of time. At least now we know it gives them ridiculous superpowers, and can also be used to fuel giant machines for evil purposes, so we can prevent something this stupid from ever happening again. You're getting what you deserve. Now stay here and recover in the infirmary. Then you can finish resting up in the prison. Loser!"

Doctor Animo snarled at the Plumber's Helper. "I'll beak out, and when I do, you'll all suffer worse than when I was a freakishly buff, yet not any smarter ultra villain," he declared. He vomited again. "Hey, whoa, this story has a tiny segment that's a decent, non-stupid one! This nearly could pass for something that branches vaguely off the canon! How about that?" He peed himself. "Oh, I see I spoke too soon." He shit his pants, and passed out.

D'Void woke up with a gasp, revealing it had all been a dream. Only the brief dream sequence was the good part, only a plot twist, and he was now back in the same old repetitive borefest he was in so many times before. He broke into ugly sobs.

"I want to go back to sleep, and never wake up," he sobbed. He caught a random, unexplained, deadly disease. "Oh, shit, I've caught a random, unexplained, deadly disease!"

Manny and Helen, and the bunch of nameless liberation forces busted down his bedroom door.

"We're going to defeat you a lot, D'Void!" Manny yelled. "Blah, blah, whatever. Fuck you!" He aimed all his guns.

D'Void sniffled. He teared up. "I'm sick! I don't feel like fighting right now, " he groaned. He pulled his covers up over his head. "Go away. Come back tomorrow. Or never."

The Mary Sue baby-thing poked its...facial area...out from beneath the bed, and began to sob-shriek hysterically. Manny and Helen jumped back in a mix of fear and disgust.

"Ew, that thing!" Helen yelled. "Don't let it touch you, Manny!" She screamed. She began to climb up Manny's taller form.

"I think I'm dying," D'Void whimpered. A thermometer had appeared in his mouth. It read a comically high temperate before bursting, like in the funny cartoons you remember from your youth. And if you don't, how sad.

"So what? That's a good thing," Manny responded.

"Manny! That's mean," Helen said. She had climbed onto his head.

"Fuck it is," Manny grumbled. "I don't even give a shit 'bout none of this." Manny grabbed Helen and dropped her back down to where the baby-thing was sobbing and vomiting hysterically around his feet. "Ebonics."

"OW, HEY!" Helen cried.

"You have tits! Comfort the freak-baby," Manny ordered. "I have to watch D'Void, to make sure he dies of whatever it is, even though he's supposed to be fucking invincible."

"But I don't want to!" Helen paused. The freak-baby did indeed have a certain power over her. She grabbed it, and began to hug it. "Aw, poor widdle baby. Don't cwy. Boo-zha-boo!"

D'Void turned into a ghost. He floated away. He waved before he materialized into the ceiling. "See ya, bitches!"

The baby-thing sobbed and shrieked hysterically until it eventually died. It turned into a ghost, and floated away, also.

"GOD DAMN IT," D'Void's wandering spirit proclaimed, as the shrieking thing followed him for all eternity, in the Ghost Zone.

"What the fuck even happened, Manny?" Helen asked.

"Don't know, don't care," Manny responded. He placed a gun to each of his temples.

"NO, MANNY, STAY STRONG!" Helen jumped on him and wrestled the guns away. He would be needed as scapegoat fodder in later plots. "You can't die like this! Don't leave me here! If I have to suffer, so do you!"

Manny broke into his Cyborg voice. "BUT IT'S SO HARD! I DON'T WANNA DO IT ANY MOE!"

They sobbed hysterically in each other's arms.

D'Void once again came back to life, and returned to his ways as partially invincible ruler in the Null Void. He stared at his specially designed balsa crib hand carved ornamental hand painted baby crib that he had made for his ULTRA SPECIAL ORIGINAL CHARACTER in the Null Void.

"Expository piece about how I miss my poor, freaky, annoying dead Null Guardian baby, and how it died of a mysterious illness that I almost died of, and did, but then I was a ghost, but then I came back to life, and I miss my baby a whole lot, because...I do!" D'Void sobbed while crying. He rubbed his handkerchief along his puffy, reddened eyes. "I'm so alone now! What shall I do? Maybe go back to trying to conquer the Null Void, and killing the Plumbers' Helpers, and trying to find The Wrench, and being a socially maladjusted psychopathic villain, with no remorse, and zero empathy for anyone in the way of my crazed schemes? Or maybe I'll drown my sorrows in chocolate cake and cookies, which I totally have in my kitchen, in the Null Void. While sobbing some more. That sounds like a good idea."

Fifteen minutes later, the tragic emotional pain had not lessened any, even with all the cake and cookies D'Void had stuffed into his mouth. He had gained around 70 additional pounds. Weight gain fetish. What's one more.

"I don't want to die alone!" D'Void sobbed through his mouthful of chocolate.

He fell to his knees. Then he moved over to the bed, realizing it would be more stereotypically melodramatic, and threw himself upon it. He sobbed hysterically. He pulled out a pair of scissors. He looked at the framed photo on the bedside table, of him and his ugly baby-thing, having a picnic in the Null Void. He sobbed more hysterically. He placed a CD inside the 5-disc CD changer, and put on some Evanescence. He sobbed again, harder than ever, as the emo teen favorite mood music played. He placed the scissors to his wrist. He then threw them down.

"Okay, I'm too scared to go through with killing myself, but I'll pretend I did on the internet," D'Void said.

He ran to his laptop, logged into Tumblr, and made a long, tragic almost-suicide-but-didn't post. He waited for notes of gullible sympathy to show up. It was only then he realized he had neither friends, nor anyone who Followed him. He sobbed hysterically again.

The Mary Sue baby-thing which had died seconds prior, but then come back to life as a zombie, crawled its way out of the grave in search of flesh to consume. She found D'Void, sobbing hysterically into a piece of chocolate cake. She grunted, while bloody puss oozed from her gaping mouth. D'Void turned at the all too familiar sound.

"MY BABY!" he yelled.

She leaped upon him, and began to devour his face meat. He sobbed hysterically, this time with joy. And then he became a vampire-ghost-zombie-robot. Because.

Then they had more cake.

The End!


End file.
